Orange & Black

Shadows of a thousand years

Rise again unseen,

Voices whisper in the trees

"Tonight is Halloween"

Dexter Kozen

I'm really into candy right now. Not in the same way I was in 1968, but that is a completely different story.

I am not going to write about All Hallow's Eve today but about something completely different -- clear, unequivocal statements about relationships, hopes, dreams and the future. For those seeking an orange and black goblin fix, scroll down to the video link at the end.

Here is what I wonder: when someone feels that certain way about someone -- why don't they tell them? I bring this up for two reasons. First, I don't get it; when I want, desire, hope, pray or beg for something I do it explicitly. I mean who wants to miss out on something simply because we were unclear about our intentions. Second, an old girlfriend got in touch recently via one of the social networks; after the exchange of details of our lives over the past 25 years, she told me that she had always regretted that we did not give "a real relationship a try."

Her: "I always wanted that."

Me: "Why didn't you ever say that to me?"

Her: "I did in many little ways."

Me: "How about in english to my face, preceded by the words 'I have something I want you to know.'"

Her: "That's not how love works."

Really! Is this another of those life lessons they taught girls in Home Ed. while the boyz were being shown how to throw a curve ball? That's all I got for now -- Happy Halloween.

Here lies the Video link at the end for cat-lovers, pumpkin-lovers and fans of halloween.

eLetters to Friends

On the long drive back from Las Vegas yesterday I was pondering something I had not said to one of my poker buddies. We travel in a poker gaggle while in Vegas and I don't always get enough one-on-one time with my friends because I tend to treasure sleep over late night video poker sessions. Definitely my loss.

I was composing my thoughts to this friend, after all that's what long drives are for; when I heard a tribute to Daniel Schorr on NPR. Apparently Schorr was a proponent of letters. He wrote rather than called and definitely wrote letters over email. I pondered sending a letter. How long has it been since I mailed one of those? I know there are envelopes in the apartment left over from the big emptying. I also know I have stamps, even though they are denomination-less and I don't know if they are currently sufficient to carry a letter to its destination. A lot of fuss when email is so immediate. Does anyone still put (long) in the subject space to warn of thoughts requiring more than a nanosecond of consideration?

When my own thoughts returned to mentally composing my letter I was surprised to discover I had switched friends. Apparently I had more than one billet to turn out, long stretches of desert will do that to your focus. Are there even more languishing communications I wondered? Lo and behold just a few miles of sandy rumination produced a list of nearly ten epistles that needed attention. By this morning the roll had reached a dozen.

So, this week I will be sending eLetters to a baker's dozen or so of my friends, be warned in advance (long). I would take this moment to suggest to all of my readers that you too have thoughts unsaid, words unspoken, feelings unexpressed. Friendships deepen with shared expressions. Depth is never something to avoid, at least not in the world this blog inhabits.

Autumn Leaves

One of the great pleasures of autumn in a temperate climate is the turning of the leaves. While I am not going to experience the true warmth of an Indian Summer this trip, I did get my one blissful dose of nature's color yesterday. Early frosts, high winds and rain can severely foreshorten the fall color experience, this year falls somewhere in the middle of the color enjoyment experience.

I was out running errands yesterday, when I ducked down a side street and there were five or six blocks of brilliant yellow maple trees. Interspersed every block or so was a burst of red or a still fading green tree. The browns of late fall have yet to appear, so we have peak colors or at least what will have to stand as peak for this autumn in lower Michigan.

I particularly have noticed quite a few trees that seem to blush with a reddish-pink as opposed to the usual dark red maples of most fall palettes. Some combination of summer heat and fall rain has produced more of these light red patterns than in my memory of past autumns. It was cloudy yesterday but a weak sun broke through while I was on that side street, so I got the full experience of the color and light. There is a feeling of bliss that hits the spectrally attuned at these times. A light and satisfying experience that all is right with the world. It mimics that first blush of warmth that comes with a new lover. Before the heartless shrew defiles your heart and leaves you alone and barren as the trees shall be in just a few weeks.

I know, I know but sometimes these things have to be said. Besides she still owes me money and she took my parrot. Meanwhile back to our autumnal musings...

Today, the wind and rain have come and the lawns are littered with thousands of yellow leaves. Time to put up wood for the winter, get those last few storm windows snugly in place and in my case, consider heading south.

---

photo credits: the interwebs

Olde Friends

[Content Disclosure: Relationships, Love, Marriage, Life and General Human-like Goofiness]

I'll wait for you

And should I fall behind

Wait for me

Springstein

I have these two friends. I met them in 1971 when they were a new couple. They did typical 20 year old kid stuff, like arguing about nothing and fighting about air. He slept on my couch half a dozen times when he couldn't or wouldn't go home. I was at their wedding in 1975 but turned down any official position in the wedding party. I thought I might be needed to referee.

They moved. I moved. Diana visited me in Hermosa Beach in 1985, a couple of years after their divorce. She was older, wiser and still had no clue why she and Paul were either at each others throats or genitals with nothing in between. She had always been the stable one in those early years, at least that was my perspective, but then again, she never got booted to my divan.

I saw Paul several times in the 90s, he had a new wife and then he didn't. But in both cases he talked about Diana. I heard they made an abbreviated attempt at round two or round seven right around the millennium and apparently had a major shouting drama at a fund raiser for the Cleveland Art Museum, complete with thrown champagne.

My point?

I got an invitation to their re-marriage coming this June. Fortunately, I have other commitments that month and this year and for the next decade but I am considering a new sofa. I think it is only fair for aging friends to have a more comfortable place for olde love warriors to fall.

Female & Male Endings

[Content Disclosure: Gender, Understanding, Passion, Reminiscing and no poker]

“Those who restrain their desires, do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained.” --William Blake

Well that certainly is one side of the equation Mr. Blake but a side I am familiar with. Not because I am what anyone would describe as a overtly emotional person. Just the opposite, but I have traveled with many manic, creative, socially high energy friends and lovers. I am not one to tolerate inane or insane behavior for its own sake, I generally just absent myself from such goings on. However, the wild creative energy that so often infuses artistic talent and emotional commitment does lend itself to over-percolation followed by incoherent eruptions. It is here where gender takes a role in my encounters with the varieties of the emotional precipice.

The few women with whom I have had messy, incomplete, unclosured endings; will invariably describe our final days as tinged with anger. My anger not theirs. I do not deny such characterizations. I object, of course, to the elevation of anger to a level commensurate with rape, murder and child abuse, but that is just a simplistic tactic of a gender unable to grasp the finer nuances of curling, the zone defense and beer pong.

Men on the other hand are completely different. I have male ex-friends, who would describe our defunct friendships in exactly the same way and anger would never be a factor. We were friends and then we were not. I have no idea if they have a "story" about how or why we became former acquaintances and I really don't care. Contrary to popular folklore men really don't "need" to be right in these situations. Two opinions, two positions, two points of view that irresolvable lead to an end. Done. Finished. No conversation required.

The other gender, from the land of hormones, wants completion, resolution and yes, closure; not to mention punishment. But, in my experience, these must happen without any bilateral process. They seek an ending that sheds a redeeming light on their unexamined behavior. (Play the "he was angry" card here.) How quiet they become when someone actually enters the conversation.

Desires come in all shapes, sizes and forms. Denying any of them is a sign of weakness. Controlling them is an indication of personal strength. Exploring them demonstrates courage. Being uncomfortable with your desires reveals your humanity and is never something to apologize for--ever.