Las Vegas Boyz Trip 2011

We had one of our Poker Boyz trips to Las Vegas last week. Mike, as always, provides great photos for us and seemingly doesn't mind the intermittent nagging - "Get a shot of my with the stripper!" He also wanders around early morning and late at night for shots like this one. We did stay at the MGM this trip.

If you don't show up for a Poker Boyz trip, you get your head put on a stick and rude sometimes evil photos are produced. Viewing of those more seedy and salacious snapshots is restricted to bona fide PB members and blackmail.

OK, maybe not completely restricted.

Poker was played. This is me making a final table at Binion's. Two-tiered seven-way chop for the poker players out there.

Matty with Chihuly art at City Center.

Me, also with Chihuly.

Amy at our annual visit to the Cat Condos at the LV-SPCA.

me with kittums at spca

Las Vegas

Once again it is time for a Poker Boyz trip to Las Vegas. A bare quorum of the usual suspects begin arriving tomorrow. We are all staying at the MGM Grand after several weeks of email negotiations regarding a) room rates & deals; b) walking distance to several appropriate poker rooms; c) daily access to the lion habitat.

There may be a random report or two from Las Vegas if anything of interest occurs. But the likelihood is that there will be:

-a lot of poker

-dinners, drinks, snacks, buffets

-interesting even strange encounters with non-indigenous wildlife (tourists)

-an excursion to my favorite SPCA shelter for a cat condo purr-fest

-a memorial stop at the Sahara before it closes

-meet-ups with several friends from 'the olde days'

-a Bellagio run for the usual sites and current art exhibit

-a downtown run for a tournament at Binion's and the annual picture

-one quick & dirty business meeting

Since most readers these days have little or no interest in card games or Las Vegas, I have queued up appropriate non-gaming posts while I am away. 

Poker Writin'

I am happy to say that I have regular readers who have never seen a single poker post on this blog. I am perhaps even more pleased that many of you who originally followed me here in the good olde poker days have stuck with me since I left the poker subculture. This weekend my very good friend and oft times writing partner Amy Calistri has decided to reflect on a series of articles she and I wrote four years ago. The final table of the 2010 World Series of Poker is playing out this weekend, as a homage Amy has reposted on the "Biggest Error in the World's Largest Sporting Event." I completely agree with her characterization of those pieces, she writes:

"The articles were neither fun to write nor particularly well written. But they ended up improving the integrity of the game I love. And for me, the old adage proved true. I didn't care who won or lost. In the end, I cared how the game was played."

For those of you who are poker players the articles might be of interest. To the non-poker readers, Amy's comments on who we were and who we still are might bring some insight into some of the other topics I blog about these days. The opening of the first article contains Amy's current thoughts on who she and I are when we put on our writer's mantle.

LINK to Amy's blog.

Just Because

I just wanted to post this photo because well its my blog and I can. Got back to Berkeley late on Saturday after eight days with the boyz in Las Vegas. Once again another great trip, despite the continuing slowdown in Vegas and the missing Zippy.

Annual Poker Boyz Excursion

For the next seven days I shall be participating in our annual Poker Boyz gathering in Las Vegas. Attendance this year is nearly complete (with the exception of Zippy who is not allowed to travel west of the great oil spill). Joel is on his way from Minnesota. Mike is already here in the Bay area, he and I will be driving over today. The Bill of the wild variety will be making a slightly late arrival in Henderson to join up with the Debonair one. Randy arrives from the land of pelicans and oranges and the leader of the leaderless pack, Amy is on her way from deep in the heart of.

Over the next seven days we will play some poker tournament or another; eat at some restaurant, buffet or local favorite spot; laugh a lot and repeat. A minority contingent will make a cat run to the SPCA before heading to yet another poker tournament. I am sure we will hit Binion's at least once, since most of us are staying at Monte Carlo that room will see some action, along with MGM, Aria, Venetian, M and even one or two other random poker dens approved by our local poker pro.

The World Series of Poker finishes it's summer run today, so we can thankfully skip the Rio but there is always a chance for a tournament and a steak at the Gold Coast. Hell we might even make it to the north end for a late night tournament at Sahara. We all take a piece of all the money winners and this time we actually hope to break even as a group, something we have not done in awhile.

For my non-poker readers, I have left some thoughts moldering in the cyber stew. I would not abandon you to a full week of silence. I am not the type of guy who has his fun and then doesn't call. Enjoy those post-dated ponderings but expect no live missives from Las Vegas, I have said all that Sin City stuff before.

A Little Poker

This is a little poker story followed by some nostalgia from my days in the world of professional poker. For my non-poker readers, trust me, you will know when to stop reading.* 

Early last week the fire alarm system in my building was being worked on, which meant that the very loud clarion clanging cacophony  was going off just outside my door every five minutes. On the third detonation I slipped on my shoes, grabbed my keys and headed for the car. I really didn't have a destination until I was a block or so from the apartment when I thought of the Oaks Card Club in nearby Emeryville. Fifteen minutes later and I am slipping into an Omaha 8 seat and being greeted by the friendly table captain.

It takes a standard couple of rounds for the locals to ask where you are from and where have you played before. When I mentioned Las Vegas, the World Series of Poker came up and I was asked if I had ever played in the WSOP. Normally what would follow would be my admission to covering the Series for the last four years, which would lead to question about why I am not there this year and eventually the Matusow book comes up and -- well -- I have been there before and just wasn't interested in going there again, at least not that day.

"You ever been to the World Series?"

"Nope, never have."

As soon as I said it, I knew those were the right words. Most days I just don't have any interest in what I was so immersed in for the past five years. I do keep track of a few players at the Series, but those are my friends. I do read a few of the writers currently working the tournaments at the Rio, but again those are my buddies and I am more interested in what they write about away from the poker tables than anything that happens during the games.*

I covered the WSOP for four summers (Gold-Yang-Eastgate-Cada) and I look back at that I remember much more about the time away from the poker tables and infinitely more about the preliminary events than about the main event. Except for Mike's great run in the '08 main, while Amy and I were finishing the book.

For my media buddies sweltering in the desert heat, I offer this bit of historical pondering. Notice my years of coverage and compare them to yours, I think I perhaps didn't choose my tenure wisely.

(Jamie Gold-Jerry Yang-Peter Eastgate-Joe Cada)

(Robert Varkonyi-Chris Moneymaker-Greg Raymer-Joe Hachem)

(Scotty Nguyen-Noel Furlong-Chris Ferguson-Carlos Mortensen)

(Russ Hamilton-Dan Harrington-Huck Seed-Stu Ungar)

(Mansour Matloubi-Brad Dougherty-Hamid Dastmalchi-Jim Bechtel)

(Berry Johnston-Johnny Chan-Johnny Chan-Phil Hellmuth)

(Jack Strauss-Tom McEvoy-Jack Keller-Bill Smith)

(Bobby Baldwin-Hal Fowler-Stu Ungar-Stu Ungar)

(Johnny Moss-Sailor Roberts-Doyle Brunson-Doyle Brunson)

(Johnny Moss-Johnny Moss-Amarillo Slim Preston-Puggy Pearson)

I think only two of those groups might be more forgettable then my four year stint.

(Matloubi-Daugherty-Dastmalchi-Bechtel)

or

(Yang-Eastgate-Cada-??????)

There But For The Grace of Homer Go I . . .

I played a small poker tournament yesterday but this is not a poker story. This is a pondering morality tale with a poker backdrop.

It was a small tournament only two tables, Bill and I played. The young lady on my right was an OK player, her husband at the other end of the table was not. She wore too much perfume and over the course of the hour or two it took for her to bust out, I liked her less and less as her mood darkened and she complained about things irrelevant to the poker game. Some might call it: "just bitching". She went out 11th, so she bubbled the final table. Only the top two places were scheduled to be paid but when we got to four players (both Bill and I still in) the short stack player began to ask about a chop. The chipleader was not interested, so for about thirty minutes the stacks went up and down as the blinds went higher and higher. It became a shove-fest. I bubbled in 4th and the remaining three players chopped the cash.

But this is not a poker story. Last evening, I was down in the casino at Monte Carlo as I exited onto the Strip I saw several LVPD officers talking with the young lady and her husband who had played in the tournament. Out of curiosity I listened in.

It appears that after she busted out, she took her dark mood to another casino and playing what I believe was carribbean stud and won herself $40,000. She then decided to continue drinking heavily and to switch to playing craps, which apparently she did not understand well. While she was drinking, throwing dice, showing her tits and generally having a great time (did I mention she had ditched her husband?). Anyways at some point she had $5K of her $40K windfall on the craps table and the other $35,000 stuck in her purse in cash from where it was lifted by a crafty pick pocket. Hence, the police.

It took about five minutes of eavesdropping to get the gory details of her sad story, I believe I overheard rendition six or seven. All the while the husband kept chiming in with: "I don't know, she dumped me after she drank dinner. She still had all the money then."

So yesterday I bubbled a little poker tournament, all in all not a bad day . . . considering.

[my apologies for the poker jargon to my newer non-poker playing readership]

All Work and No Omaha

To those loyal readers who have been starved for a poker story--today I accommodate you. Everyone else--move along, there is nothing to see here. (For the non-poker players, who read on, simultaneous translation is available on the Jargon Channel)

I have made it as far as Arizona on the final quarter of my trip and I am hunkered down for a couple of days in Scottsdale near Casino Arizona. So, yes there is some poker playin' goin' on Lucy. It's been nearly three weeks since the Boyz were in Mississippi. Amy, Randy & I sorely missed an Omaha fix in Biloxi, but I was determined to play some four card poker before the trip was over.

This is not a bad beat story, although there was one terrible decision on my part. Early saturday afternoon the poker room had over 30 tables in action with two Omaha8's going. But the list was long, so long that I was sure they would open a third table. I hopped on the O8 list and, just in case, the even longer 4/8 hold'em as well.

Sure enough, they called the Omaha interest list but couldn't get nine takers, shortly they did open a new hold'em table and I took a seat. This was a typical no-fold'em table with 3 to 7 players seeing the flop. The elderly gentleman two to my left saw the first nine flops and all nine rivers as well; then he rebought for his second $100. This had all the signs of a juicy table with a monster fish and several dull toothed carp chasing him.

For a full hour I played only one hand, my un-raised big blind in the first round. I won nothing but was only down the $12 for the blinds. Our fish was bleeding chips and had just taking out his 4th c-note, when they called my Omaha table. I was torn, he was down three hundred in an hour, but he said as he pulled out his cash: "This is my last chance today." So I moved to the O8 table, which was immediately behind the 4/8 table and I happened to take a seat where I could see the generous gentleman who immediately runner-runnered a big pot, which meant he would be around longer. Hmm, maybe I should have stayed. Remember, I got exactly none of his first $300 and was card dead and just not having any fun.

The Omaha table was lively, way more fun than getting rotten cards in the hold'em game. Over on my abandoned first table, the "last chance today" gentleman proceeded to lose all chips he had won in that one suck-out pot and then went on to pull a grand total of $1200 out of his wallet in a little under four and a half hours. The player who took my seat, bought in for a single rack of whites and was up nearly five hundred bucks when Old Faithful finally left the table.

Oh, I had a lot of fun at the Omaha table and managed just over a one big blind an hour profit. Sometimes it's not about how you play your cards or how you play your opponents but simply where you sit down and when you stand up.

I would just like to say: Doh!

---

promotional photo of me and Mikey at '09 WSOP

photo credit to MeanGene

Lest We Forget

Before I forget, on our recent Poker Boyz excursion to the cardrooms of Biloxi some of us were able to reconnect with a long lost member of the group. Zipman had not been seen in over four years. Zippy lives in Slidell, Louisiana and we have been ragging on him pretty good about missing the last half-a-dozen outings. Because he lives so close to Biloxi, he drove up for several tournaments and lots of laughs. At one point, the question was raised as to why we had seen so little of him since '05. His answer reminded me and I would like to remind you.

He said simply: "We had a city to rebuild."

In August of 2005, Hurricane Katrina destroyed much of southern Mississippi and Louisiana. Eighty percent of New Orleans was flooded and huge sections of the lower 9th ward remain as they were on that fateful day.

The Bush administration handled Katrina and her aftermath about as well as if Sarah Palin or Dan Quayle were in charge. We all remember the thousands stranded at the SuperDome while our FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) did nothing. The federal government has remained oblivious to the disaster that was New Orleans. Not something that would have been tolerated after the L.A. quake or if a natural disaster had hit Chicago or Boston. I guess the Civil War isn't really over yet.

But. . . I have heard that a democrat is now in the White House and I believe he made some promised on the campaign trail to the citizens of New Orleans. How is that working out for you folks still in plywood and duct tape trailers nearly five years later. I know, you didn't get the trailers for over a year, so you really can't say you have been stuck in them all that long. I mean wasn't Iowa nice that first year?

Bottom line, we did more for the victims of the SouthEast Asia tsunami than we have done for the American citizens who lost their homes, jobs and families in greater New Orleans. Remember this April when you pay your taxes, you need to live someplace where they speak English without an accent or at least have a powerful Senator or two.

Thanks for reminding us Bob: "We had a city to rebuild."

The Western Turn

After many months traveling to points north, than east and further east and recently to the south... our wanderings have now taken a final directional change, my head has turned back to the west. The return has begun but not without several more interesting stops along the way.

A quorum of the PokerBoyz have assembled at the Beau Rivage here in Biloxi, Mississippi for several days of camaraderie, story telling and yes, even some poker. Amy is in from Austin, Mike is down from Minneapolis; Randy and I made the drive from Satellite Beach yesterday. For absent members of the gang, we as a group want to wish you well and to announce that last evening we did share a meal and a far amount of ridicule with Zippy. Yes, he lives and breaths and was here in all his flesh. He has not been playing much of the game, but will be joining us for several evening events this week.

Apparently, despite the check-in line last night, occupancy at the Beau is down; so we have all been upgraded to the Gulf view rooms. A pleasant site this morning to watch a sunrise over the water. Temperatures will be a bit nippy while we are here, however, except to drive to another casino for a tournament, there was not a lot of outside activity planned for the week. On today's agenda -- poker. Those seeking meaningful insight into the universe should stop back next week.

Who ordered the fried cat fish?

Exit Interview from the World of Poker

A few weeks ago I announced that I was getting out of the poker biz. Since then several of my poker media buddies have asked me why. Last night someone said: "You have any tips for those of us hanging in with the poker beat?" Well I learned long ago from my favorite writing cohort that every writer should learn the art of shameless self-promotion. So I offer here my poker exit interview. I asked a wise, honest, intelligent media maven to conduct the Q&A.

Why are you leaving Poker behind and abandoning all your friends in the poker media?

No one in the "poker media" would ask that question. It's the economy stupid. Along with the U.S. governments assault on internet freedom. With poker magazines down more than 50% in pages printed and online sites getting 90% less poker ad spots, there simply is no money left to pay for ongoing quality poker journalism. Besides that... aren't we all tired of hearing 'a queen and a queen only'?

How did you get started in the poker biz?

My poker buddy and co-author Amy Calistri called me up back in 2005 and asked me to cover a WSOP circuit event in Indiana for PokerPages. I told her I really wasn't interested and she told me that I really was but I just didn't know it yet. She was right, as she is about 50% of the time, and I started covering events for PokerPages.

Who else have you worked for in the biz?

I worked for PokerPages and then at the '06 WSOP, I wrote a Series for PokerNews, where I followed Liz Lieu, Gavin Smith and Tony G. for the entire WSOP. At the '07 Series, I started with PokerNews and then after some creative differences, I switched to CardPlayer doing their Pro Blogs. I was also writing on PokerBlog at this time for PartyPoker and covered the '08 Series on PokerBlog, while Amy and I were finishing our book with Mike Matusow. For the '09 WSOP, this past summer, I did a series with Negreanu, Hellmuth and Matusow on this little blog here. I have also written some magazine pieces and I have worked with ChiliPoker and MadeInPoker on their French language sites.

Who is the best poker player in the world?

Impossible question to answer. Day to day, year to year the success of professional poker players is dependent on table draws, suck-outs, cold weather and bad ju-ju. Johnny Moss or Stu Ungar might have been the best at one time, but today the fields are just too big to have someone dominate the game. I do have some favorites.

I learned the most about poker from Mike Matusow. Working on the book with Mike for nearly two years, I got to see him play a lot of poker and I spent a lot of time on the rail sweating him. He would often tell me his reads on the other players, so I got to watch a lot of high level poker and see the game through the eyes of a real professional.

OK, who is the best person in poker or are there any?

Well I am sure there are lots of good folks who I never met. It's actually easier to tell you about all of the idiots, jerks and fools who populate the poker rooms but on this one I do have an answer. The best person I met in five years of covering professional poker is Bill Edler. No one else even comes close. I won't go into detail, no need to embarrass Bill, but he calls everyone he likes "my friend" and he means it. I am proud to be Bill Edler's friend.

Well I gotta ask, who then are the top bad guys?

During the WSOP this past summer, I asked the senior staff a question like: "Who were the players that give you the most trouble at the tables." The list was surprisingly uniform.

Alan Kessler and Steve Zolotow were on the top of nearly every list. This is unfortunate because both Alan and Steve have some good insights about the game but they both will bitch about anything and everything, all day every day. The boys who cry wolf, as it were.

Next, came Brandon Cantu and David Singer. Again a lot of complaining about any and every aspect of the game but in this case seldom with any legitimate points. Just noize for the sake of noize.

Men Nguyen made every list for his nasty tirades against dealers and junior floor staff. The Master never takes on senior floor staff, he instead goes for the soft spots and makes a fuss about nothing. By the way if you are playing at a table with Men when he does this; his intention is to keep you from playing back at him. It's all an angle to intimidate other players. Don't fall for it.

Todd Brunson, Michael Binger and Andy Black got a lot of votes. Todd would be at the very top of my personal list because he is simply a mean, unhappy person and he often takes it out on dealers or new poker media. One would think that there was an award for random assholery.

Annie Duke would get everyone's award as Queen Bitch. Annie is much better than she used to be, but when she is in one of her moods. Well everyone, even Joe, gives her a wide berth. About as wide as what you have to give the Queen Mary under a full head of Bikram steam.

Special status goes to: Barry Greenstein, Andy Bloch and Howard Lederer. They do complain too often but most of the time they have valid points. Not always points of great import but they are generally right and therefore the staff has to take the time to listen.

Finally, most agreed that a special emeritus award has to be given to Sam Grisle for years of mean spirited nastiness.

Are the professionals really that much better than the rest of us?

Yes, so much better than ordinary players are just not able to comprehend how good they are.

Want to tell us why they are better?

For the same reason that Gretsky or Pele or Tiger Woods were just that much better than everyone else. I firmly believe you can learn a lot about poker but there is also an innate skill set that makes the really great just much better than the rest of us. I have heard the pros discuss thousands of hands and they are just taking in more information than we are and they have more options to react to that information than we do.

What's the best and the worse thing to happen to poker while you were covering it?

The takeover of poker by big corporations is my answer to both questions. Despite what the PR talking heads say, poker tournaments are run for the benefit of the sponsors and the owners not the players. On the other hand, the poker boom would never have been so big without corporate sponsorship. The main issue is, of course, money. Unless and until some of the profits from poker go back to the players, it will continue to be a game with unpaid actors making profits for the corporations.

By way of naming names, Harrah's is guilty in the sheer greed category. But the WPT wins the booby prize for complete business incompetence. The jury is still out on PokerStars and the EPT, APT, CCP and LSMFT.

Who are the best writers still covering poker?

Not that I was one of the best. I just wrote from a different perspective. A lot of very good writers have come and gone, just as I am going now. Those have to include Andy Glazer, Jay Greenspan and Amy Calistri. The best pure writer in poker now is Brad Willis. As an insider, no one finds more entertaining stories than Michael Craig. Dr Pauly is a force unto himself and I still do a complete read of the Tao once a week.

There are four or five more writers who are still doing the actual day-to-day around the felt reporting gig. Rather than insult those I leave off the list, let me just say I respect what you are doing, particularly in these times of shortened copy and small payment. Hang in there and try to enjoy the ride. Oh and one piece of advice: When the time comes, get out before you burn out.

Do you still play poker?

Not so much. I am going back to the midwest next month and will play an annual home game in Minnesota that one of my poker buddies runs. Maybe I will play one tournament at the Canterbury Park Fall Classic while I am there. But I really am done with poker. I don't have an addictive personality and given the choice between sitting through a day of Texas Hold'em or reading a good book. Well, no drunk with a baseball cap and sunglasses ever throws a Hellmuthian tantrum while I'm reading.

Any final words for the poker fans?

Read my next book, I promise to mention poker at least twice.

----

photo credit: archives

Neither Farewell, Nor Goodbye

This is my 200th blog post on this site since I began in January 2007. I thought I would use the mathematically significant milestone to announce a substantial change. With a couple of mild reservations overwhelmed by too much hard evidence -- I am getting out of poker.

For readers of this blog, who are mostly dedicated to the poker content, I thank you. You have been a great audience and I have been happy to entertain you with what I hope was a unique perspective on the world of poker. I will truly miss many of the players and staff I have come to know in the last five years. To the friends I have made in the poker media, well you know the state of our sad profession, no need to drag everyone through another litany that begins with the UIGEA and the corporate gagging of the game.

I am not shutting down the blog, in fact, I am revitalizing the content and will be writing nearly as much as I have over the last several months but with little or no poker content. I humbly invite any and all of you to continue logging in. I have two, maybe three, new writing projects going and I will be sharing progress on those with you. I am also beginning phase two of my non-domiciled travels, which I have now extended until at least the end of '09.

In laying poker aside, I am also putting the Poker Shrink to rest. But that nagging, clinical, at times insightful persona will still be around, for now let's just call him -- The Shrink. So not goodbye at all, just a shift in perspective, content and focus. I welcome all of you to Keeping Your Head in All the Games 2.0

Writing, Rewriting, Editing & Recycling

The aspect of writing that I like the least is editing. Tinkering with the story I like, sometimes obsessively. Looking for the better word or phrase is often gratifying and can chew up hours and hours of writing time. What I hate is the actual editing; you know the commas and run-on sentences. I mean that type of work is well . . . work! I was fortunate working on the Matusow book that I had Amy Calistri as a writing partner. She not only doesn't hate editing, I think somewhere deep down she might actually enjoy it. A sick and perverse delight I know, but people are strange.

As part of my writing practice, I often do what I dislike, which means I take old pieces and reedit them, often to the point of a rewrite. In theory the read is improved and my style going forward needs less editing and I somehow become inoculated to the necessity of doing more rewrites. So today I am launching a new and somewhat infrequent series on my little blog here. I am revisiting some of my better, more timely, less dated, somewhat interesting older posts and giving them a fresh edit. I promise not to overdo it. No more than two a month or thereabouts. Some will obviously have some poker content and for this I apologize to those who abhor cards, card games, gambling and the associated degenerate scum of the earth.

I begin with a poker rant from early '07 aimed at the then newly excreted Unlawful Internet Gaming Enforcement Act. This was originally posted 30 January 2007 under the header: Hell No, We Won't Fold! 

Recycled Post #1

Godwin's Law is a powerful observation about the state of Internet conversation. An observational adage formulated by Mike Godwin in 1990, the law states: "As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis, Fascists or Hitler approaches one." Anyone with even a passing familiarity with internet forums and newsgroups knows that when such forums are unmoderated they tend at one time or another to be populated and overrun by idiots, morons and pear-shaped fourteen year old boys. Any statement that can be perceived to limit the freedoms of any one to do any thing at any time will lead to a charge that the author of said idea is a Nazi or indeed Hitler himself.
Godwin's Law does not dispute whether, in any particular instance, that a reference or comparison to Hitler or the Nazis might be apt. It is precisely because such a reference or comparison may sometimes be appropriate, Godwin has argued, that overuse of the Hitler/Nazi comparison should be avoided, as it robs the valid comparisons of their impact. I would add that in reality, that is in thoughtful, grounded reality; there are seldom discussions on the internet where the content under debate will actually rise to the level of the Third Reich. For instance, in our case, despite Joan Rivers' venom; poker never has a discussion or dispute where fascism in any form is an appropriate analogy. None, never, nope, not poker, it is a game after all, just a game. Fools, incompetents, money-grubbing individuals and corporations, cheats, players, scammers and crooks but really no nazis.

In it's earliest form Godwin's Law referred specifically to Usenet newsgroup discussions, the law is now applied to any threaded online discussion, electronic mailing lists, message boards, chat rooms and more recently blog comment pages. Invoking Nazism and Hitler in any form is tantamount to crying Wolf! and abandoning any other thoughtful position on the subject in question. The sky is falling! The sky is falling! Call the thought police!

Why do I bring up Mr. Godwin and his intriguing law? Well sports fans because not since Nixon and his tin soldiers were coming has the federal government done so much to invade our private lives. Methinks it's the fear that some damn liberal democrat will take over in just two years that has pushed the feds at every level to use all their tinker toy illegally invasive procedures, under the guise of terrorism and the obscenely named "Patriots Act" to save our country, our children and our way of life from........ wait for it....... yes.... say it! say it! ........POKER!!! (See you can easily replace the Nazis with some plain olde hyperbole without completely turning your argument into a pointless screed.)
You know how everytime someone gets busted by the cops for jaywalking or operating a lawnmower before 7 AM they scream: "Don't you have something better to do, like catch murderers and rapists?" Well, yes they do. These non-nazis are going to go into rec. rooms and basements throughout the country and bust online poker players. (Now see if I had said 'neo-nazis then I would have been trying an intellectual end-run around Godwin's law.)
OK, then let me ask. Is there something else our governmental representatives might be doing with our tax money and our federal employees, say the matter of ... oh let's see, actual terrorism or Iraq or maybe our crumbling infrastructure, failing educational system and oh yes some minor economic problems? NO! let's instead deprive millions of Americans from enjoying themselves; oh and by the way let's put about 25,000 American citizens out of work. (OK, so I was one of those put out of work, but really my motivations here are pure, honest and true. I don't think the right-wing republicans are fascist, nazis or even evil. I do think they are meddling, bible-thumping, authoritarian pricks, but not Nazis!)

There is a lesson here that one would have thought we all would have learned once or twice before: Prohibition does not work. Never has, never will. This is not about Homeland Security or money laundering or even about protecting the kids; this is about uptight, morally superior elected officials telling us how we should spend our leisure time, how we should spend or not spend our earnings and how we should think about life, god, sin and what is right. Which is why many of us called the country we once respected--Amerika.

You remember those days, some called it the 60s. I really hate to say this but the last couple of years of the Bush administration is going to feel like that again. Welcome back my friends to the reactionary show that never ends. And to think Richard Nixon loved poker.

Kill the Button Straddle!

[Content Disclosure: 100% Poker Rant]

I don't exactly know who was the idiot that came up with the button straddle but we have got to put a bullet in this brainless play. The button straddle is anti-poker, it is all about luck not skill, it creates an advantage for some players and disadvantages others and it re-penalizes the players who are already in jeopardy in the blinds.

If you want to play a game with an uneven advantage there are plenty of craps tables and blackjack games for you out in the casino. Hell, play Wheel of Fortune if that is how you want to redistribute your cash but stay the hell away from poker with your lame ass gimmick bets. The button straddle is no better than floor approved angle-shooting and it has to stop!

(end of rant, beginning of rational arguments on this dumb ass issue)

In most poker games, played with blinds, one or twice each round you are put at a disadvantage by having to post a small or big blind before seeing your cards. We all know that the games stagnate without blinds, so we accept them as part of the game because the blind burden shifts equally around the table among the players. To compensate for paying a blind bet, you get to act after all the other players in the pre-flop betting round. Now comes some incredibly perverse idea that a player on the button can straddle (double the big blind) and force the small and big blinds to act first. Suddenly the blinds are triple-disadvantaged by having to put up a forced bet and then having to act first and act behind a nutso raiser who will get another opportunity to raise again behind them.

Look, why not just put the jokers back in the deck instead of letting the morons play with the button! This is a stupid way to play a game of skill. You all remember that the poker community is making an argument before the governments of the U.S. and several other nations that poker is a game of skill. Well, the button straddle is not skill. If you want to play a home game then GO HOME!

(OK, so the rant really wasn't over)

Seriously folks, make your feelings known to each and every poker room manager and floor staff person you encounter. In fact, when it's your big blind, hold the chips in your hand until the dealer tosses out the first card; if someone puts up a button straddle announce you are sitting out the hand and will come in after the button. Then call for the floor and make your objection loudly while seated at the table. If you did that and the guy on your left refused to post a big blind and the next guy and the next... how long before your poker room banned the button straddle?

You see the issue is that not every player is disadvantaged or advantaged equally. I object to the button straddle universally. But I am only disadvantaged if the players one and two to my right actually make the bet. When it happens in other positions I actually may gain an advantage. It's like a random kill game. If I'm under-the-gun, I benefit because now I act third not first. If I'm in the cut-off seat, marginal hands that may have played for one bet have folded, which is sometimes a plus and other times a negative to my game, depending on what I am holding. Randomness has been introduced into a game that already has a definable amount of variation. Skill/knowledge has been diminished and luck has been increased; is that what a good poker player wants in the game?

The primary question simply is ... why?

Why add a gimmick to a game of poker?

Why add a gimmick that does not treat all players equally?

Why let the drunk moron on the button buy an advantage?

Why not just put the joker back in the deck? or let each player buy an extra card or follow the queen?

The answer is: because we are playing poker not bingo. We all know the rules and fairness is a constant but not with this stupid pet trick. So make your feelings clear to your poker room staff. Make it each and every time to take a seat. Be willing to get up and leave if they don't get the message. I have asked around for the past several weeks at over a dozen poker rooms and it appears to me that about 75% of the players don't like the button straddle. So why is it allowed? Whose game is this anyway?

Transitions

[Content Disclosure: from poker to not...]

Weeks and weeks of visits to the Rio leave a mark. Sort of a cross between the pillow impressions after a long morning sleep and the welts from a lash. It really depends on how you approach the World Series of Poker. My green felt blemishes are vanishing quickly this year. 

"He had come to suspect early on that Scott Crane was the major local signpost to the castle of randomness--but only tonight, when Crane had mentioned having been a professional poker player, had he found any reason to be confident. Gambling was the place where statistics and profound human consequences met most nakedly, after all, and cards, even more than dice or the numbers on a roulette wheel, seems able to define and perhaps even dictate a player's . . . luck."

That quotation comes from Last Call by Tim Powers. The book was lent to me by one of my poker buddies, who himself has become substantially more thought-provoking of late. From the dust jacket blurb:

". . . troubling nightmares about a strange poker game he once attended on a houseboat on Lake Mead are drawing him back to the magical city. Because the mythic game did not end that night in 1969. And the price of his winnings was his soul. And now a pot far more strange and perilous than he ever could imagine depends on the turning of a card."

An intriguing transition indeed, from the world of poker and the books of poker to my next project tinged with dark forces and twists of fate, all wrapped up in an impending chautauqua in a cube. 

More on all of this over the next several months and many states; geographically, psychologically, spiritually and literally. Off we go into the mild, grey mists of tomorrow.

Oh and happy b-day Janet.

My November Nine Picks

[Content Disclosure: WSOP November Nine]

Some degenerate in the media pool decided to challenge us to pick our final nine in the main event before the start of yesterday's play. So we had 64 runners to whittle down to our own personalized November Nine. Below are my choices. A Willy Wonka Golden ticket to the first reader to discover the amazingly insightful selection criteria I used to pick my nine.

Darvin Moon

Billy Kopp

Phil Ivey

Steve Begleiter

Ludovic Lacay

Antonio Esfandiari

Tommy Vedes

Antone Saout

Ben Lamb

(Addendum: I must admit to the success of my endeavor, as the thoughtless selection of the nine chip-leaders led to my winning the media pool; however, not without a four-way, six-level tiebreaker.)

The 6,495th Player

[Content Disclosure: a wee bit of math]

Monday Prologue: (An autographed copy of Check-Raising the Devil to the first reader who correctly identifies the seminal theme of this impending post. All intelligent guesses and most wild speculations should be made in the comment section below. Decision of the judges will be semi-final. Duplicate correct or partially correct answers will participate in a run-off drawing overseen by an intelligent female poker commentator, who does not show cleavage on camera. Full post with brilliant analysis and cogent quips will go up in twenty-four hours.)

(some fine guesses were submitted but none hit the mark.)

The 6,495th Player

I am going to go with some hard facts today. Hard from the perspective that they are grounded in solid, empirical mathematical theory and "hard" in that they may shake your faith in the list that reads: Eastgate, Yang, Gold, Hachem, Raymer . . . Moss, Moss.

Here is my thesis: If a 6,495th player had been allowed to register for the main event this year, the members of the November Nine who will be determined tomorrow night would be different. And the eventual WSOP champion would be someone else, not the name we will all remember following Peter Eastgate. You see with all the skill versus luck conversation that goes on around poker, the mathematical facts are that if you add one more player or allow one less entry you drastically change how the fourteen days of the tournament play out. 

This additional player need not have been the 2,810th entry on Day 1D, nope a 874th player on Day 1B would have had the same effect with a different result. We are talking "pebble in the pond" math here. One more player means their initial table plays differently, breaks differently and players move throughout the tournament differently. One more 30,000 stack of chips is distributed throughout the Day 1 and then the Day 2 and the ripples grow. 

Surely it's easy to see if say we remove Ivan Demidov from last year's tournament. Take Sammy Farha out of the Moneymaker 2003 win, or Eric Seidel that year or David Williams or Steve Dannenmann those years. But the math tells us that it need not be a final table figure who doesn't register or a big name player who was left out in this year's Day 1D shutdown. One more or one less player in such a large field must inevitably change the tournament and the longer you play it out the greater the change.

One more entrant in Day 1C would not effect Day 1A or 1B or 1D or 2A, the effects begin immediately for 1C and then for 2B but Days 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and November each have magnified implications based on the extra runner. In fact, just a bit of extrapolation would lead us to the conclusion that one more or one less player on each of the Day 1's would mean no amount of math or analysis could lead us to any conclusion except that the November Nine would be nine completely different players than what we will see tomorrow night.

So the next time you get involved in the Luck vs. Skill argument. Remember this. Once you start playing the game, It's All Skill; but leading up the the biggest tournament in the world, it's all the luck of the draw and the ineffable math of big numbers in the registration queue.

WSOP Final Table: Does Size Matter?

[Content Disclosure: Poker Minutiae]

Each year about this time I play with the idea that being the chip leader going into a final table actually means something. The question is: "How much does the chip lead add to your chances of taking down a tournament?" Just looking at the raw numbers here are the stats for the preliminary events at the 2009 WSOP.

Forty-eight preliminary events had data worth looking at. You have to throw out heads up and shootout tournaments and a couple of others where no one was watching closely enough to actually count the chip stacks when an official final table was reached. Here are the numbers for those 48 events:

What place did the eventual bracelet winner begin in?

12 times the eventual winner started in 2nd chip position

11 times the final table chip leader went on to win

10 times the winner started in 4th

 7 times in 3rd

 1 time the winner began in 5th and 1 time in 6th

 5 times the winner came all the way from 7th place

 1 time (James van Alstyne event #31) from 8th place

no one won an event from 9th place

Where did the chip leader finish?

11 times in first

14 times in second

 9 times in third

 4 times in fourth, 4 in fifth, 4 in sixth

 twice in eighth

no chip leader finished 7th or 9th

-11 out of 48, the chip leader managed to win it all.

-Jeffery Lisandro accounts for 3 of those 11; all three of his bracelets were won going in with the final table chip lead.

-Phil Ivey won his two bracelets this summer coming from 6th & 7th chip position.

In a strange statistical anomaly, the chip leaders who went on to win the bracelet were clustered in events #37, 38, 39, 40, 42, 44, 45, 48, 51 (also 16 & 20). Through the first 36 events you could have made a lot of money betting that the chip leader would finish second and the second chip leader would win the bracelet.